tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
