Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize