i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
