A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize