I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
