At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize