I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
