I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
