I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
