you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
