Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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