David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
