Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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