new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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