So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
