btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The air taste purple.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
