My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
