Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
