What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he just fucked me for my cheese..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
