so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
