Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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