Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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