I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
