She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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