One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
