Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize