Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
