Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
