Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
