____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
