You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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