The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The best revenge is premature balding
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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