you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
