do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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