Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
