You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
