Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
