Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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