Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
