idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Your penis caused this!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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