I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
