After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize