Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
