hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
