Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
