Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it's like iHOP with fire
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
