why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
that's an acceptable place to lick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
the liver wants what the liver wants
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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