who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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