He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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