I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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