Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
