Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Tubz340 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(225): View more from Louisiana

he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?

Fav 40 1459 3575
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

Fav 20 4752 1366
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.

Fav 29 5561 975
share tweet
(716): View more from New York

i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.

Fav 6 3642 1034
share tweet
(571): View more from Virginia

What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?

Fav 26 3560 1362
share tweet
(714): View more from California

All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.

Fav 24 1502 12321
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(585): View more from New York

He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.

Fav 8 4877 1035
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(217): View more from Illinois

I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.

Fav 4 816 442
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother

Fav 1 94 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT