when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize