Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
