READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
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