38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
