Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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