She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
