i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Drunk is a universal language darling
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