it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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