Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
