you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
