Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
high people should be assigned attendants
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
