Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
