hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
