I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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