i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize