I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
