this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
