Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
