They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
