well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize