Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
