i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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