i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
