Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
