Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
