So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
