Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
