yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
