Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think my moral compass just broke
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
