I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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