we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
