it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
