Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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