did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i've created a new STD.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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