Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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