its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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