another moral hangover. fuck.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
