the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
