You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
