my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
