just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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