Having a random hookup so left but love u
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
