I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
