I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
