..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize