i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
