toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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