he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
