..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
