Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
