If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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